The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
