So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
