she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
