I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
