Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
