ugly people sure do ruin things
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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