A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
