sarcasm needs its own font
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
