Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
