# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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