Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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