My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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