plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
