I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize