oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
