She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
