she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
