Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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