I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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