I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
