hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I need to calm my uterus...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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