We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
