You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
