Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
