:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
