He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
What a dumb baby whore.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
