Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
