So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
