I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
