1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
