The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We need to feng shui this bitch.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
