Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
