I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
