Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
