i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize