I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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