Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
This house was built for laser tag.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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