Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
