So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
