So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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