Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
