don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
