she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
