I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
