so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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