OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
