i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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