so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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