I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
