ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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