Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
