I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
