I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
