Don't make out with my wife yet
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
