After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
