is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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