your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
