At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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