i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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