what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
