we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
