just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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