it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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