you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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