So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
