I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it was like eating out sand paper
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
