U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
