Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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