So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
